Whenever I meet anyone, the moment that person becomes aware that I might know a little something about computers, they come to regard me instantly and irrevocably as a "computer genius." I've always been bemused by this, and perhaps a little bit frustrated. I would therefore like to elaborate (and quite elaborately) on this subject, particularly for those who might think they know such a "computer genius" - and show you what is wrong with this concept. It's not that complicated, I promise. In fact, this diagram pretty well explains it, for the most part. (Slight warning: there is quite a lot of vulgar material on XKCD, so I can't recommend browsing into it very far. Do so at your own risk. There is none on the particular comic found at the link above, however.)
Personal Disclaimer
Before I get into the meat of this post, I will say that this is not written with any bitterness or anger towards people that regard me as a computer genius. I will happily devote my time to helping you solve your computer troubles; this goes for anyone. If you know me, you know this is true. I have no reservations about making technology work better for people, and any way I can serve others is a great benefit to me personally on many different levels. Again, this post is written only to educate and inform, not to spread discontent in any way. I would like nothing better than for you to continue regarding me as a computer genius (even after having read this post) if you are so inclined. It won't hurt my feelings one bit - though it might inflate my ego a tad, something I could definitely do without. I'll leave your reaction up to you. Just don't come away from this post more hesitant than before to ask me for computer help - that's not my purpose in writing this at all. My computer knowledge is almost entirely useless if I can't use it for the good of others.
Overview
First I will discuss the most common misconceptions about "computer geniuses," then I will move on to refute the false idea of computer illiteracy. Third, I'll explain why a true computer genius does not exist, and finally, I will show that even if computer geniuses did exist, neither I, nor most nerds, would qualify as one. Believe it or not, I'll do this all without using any technical terms or saying anything that might go over your head. Yes, I admit, that will take some effort (not using any technical terms). Well, okay, there might be one or two scattered around, but you won't need to understand them to get what I'm saying.
You may have noticed that this post is quite large. It is therefore broken into sub-sections to make both reading and browsing somewhat easier.
What Is A "Computer Genius"?
A computer genius, as defined by just about everyone who regards me as one, is a person who can call up any bit of knowledge whatsoever about a computer at any given moment. They can fix any computer problem, provide advice for any situation that even remotely involves a computer, and are always the best candidate to look at your computer and make it go faster and work better, in every way possible. They know all the latest facts about any and every computer model, operating system, hardware, and software, and can provide you near-free* access to any of it given a moment's notice, and a flash drive.
*Here I would like to note (I may write a future post just for this topic) that music, movies, and, in general, things you think shouldn't be free, are never actually free. Sure, you can get them for free online - illegally. If your local computer genius promises you a free copy of Photoshop, for instance, be very skeptical and ensure that they are not doing something that is against the law. I don't care what edition it is; enterprise, professional, teacher, student, or hobo - if it's free there is a 90% chance of something illegal going on in obtaining it. I'm a computer genius - I should know, right? (Though if there were any 'hobo editions' I imagine they'd be free!)
I admit that to someone who considers him or herself computer illiterate, us nerds may actually seem to possess all this knowledge and such in regards to computers, and that's totally understandable. In fact, that's the myth this post is here to dispel. Not that you should stop regarding me/us as computer geniuses, but I'll be the first to say we certainly don't deserve to be put on a pedestal. In fact, most of the time when I have helped someone do just about anything on a computer, I don't really feel I've done anything extraordinary at all. Most of the computer things I end up helping others with are things I routinely do without the slightest notion that someone else might not know how to do it.
Guess What? You're Not Computer Illiterate
By the way, a 'computer illiterate person' is a figment of your imagination. I'm sorry, but that's just a lame excuse not to learn anything more about computers, or put forth any effort in doing so. As stated in my disclaimer above, I'm totally fine with bearing all your technological burdens. That being said, is it too much to ask that you put forth at least as much effort in learning about computers as you do with anything else?
Computer technology is really not all that difficult to learn, particularly in this age where you don't have to know the commands to run programs, for instance. A program is now just a little icon that you click on. It's been made as simple as possible so anyone can use it - the least you can do is have some self esteem and stop calling yourself illiterate. If you can read, you can use a computer. Reading takes far more mental acuity than using a computer - though I admit that I learned to use a computer at an age remarkably close to the age at which I learned to read. If you can't say the same, I'll give you a little bit of philosophical slack there.
If you're over 50, you get a lot more slack due to growing up before the age of what we know as modern computer technology. This is because the human mind generally loses its ability to quickly and readily absorb new information at about age 26. This puts the pioneering age of personal computers, or at least commonplace usage of them, well past your years of optimal computer-learnage, to turn a phrase.
Still, the "you can learn anything" principle always applies. Ask anyone who you would consider an expert at anything - besides computers. Think of the one person you know who is best at a given skill or talent. Collectively, these people would tell you that when they began doing it, they were terrible at it and thought they would never get any better. Had the subject in question been computers, they might have even labelled themselves as computer illiterate. The key is that they didn't let that stop them for a second.
How To Approach "Computer Geniuses"
Calling yourself computer illiterate in front of a computer genius means basically nothing, for starters. Nearly everyone that person meets is by comparison computer illiterate, except perhaps people working in the computer industry. But think a little more deeply about what you are really trying to tell the person - wouldn't "I need help, can you teach me?" come across as a slightly more inviting attitude? When you've basically said "you'll have to do everything for me, and I won't even try to pay attention," an awkward smile just won't cut it (though smiles are generally never frowned upon, at least not in my book).
If you can't be sincere, at least act like you want to learn. I can't imagine that anyone would enjoy having to ask how to do every single tiny thing on a computer, particularly asking more than once about the same exact thing. So do you, on the flip side, imagine we like teaching these same basic things over and over, to people who refuse to put forth any effort in trying to learn?
Don't just make the motions - follow through. Bring a pencil and paper so you can write down instructions, if necessary. Don't force your local computer genius to write it down for you. Not only is their writing seldom self-explanatory (or even legible), but it would be like asking a scientist to help you do advanced science by writing down the instructions using basic formulas, ones they work with every day. Most scientists, if you were to do that, would simply hand you a copy of their calculus textbook. With computers, there is no such manual, or at least one with universal formulas like mathematics has.
Anyone who has been through high school should be competent enough at math to at least understand an equation, if not solve one. Computers, on the other hand, are all about how to use the mouse, and how to interact with the buttons and other elements displayed on the screen. To a lesser extent, it also helps to have a basic understanding of files and how data is organized and handled by the computer. Nearly every computer-usage instruction would begin with "move the mouse" and include several "click once here" or "click twice there" phrases. To be blunt, using a computer is far easier than math. Now programming computers, on the other hand...
As an aside, did you know that the first mice (for mainframe computers) were so large that you had to sit down on them and drive around, like a golf cart with a tail?
Just kidding! But the very idea sure is amusing!
There Are No Computer Geniuses
I'm going to assume that by now, you've realized you might actually be able to learn how to use a computer, and begun to move out of your self-imposed "computer illiterate" shadow. Great work so far! You're roughly halfway to learning something about computers. The next step is to realize that, no matter how much computer knowledge is possessed by any person you know, there will always be something that person simply can't help you with, no matter how much they would like to. If that person happens to be me, I will happily utilize my well-developed Googling skills* and at least help you try to find an answer somewhere, even if I don't have it.
*Yes, Googling is actually a skill. It seems to me that if there's something you're interested in finding, it is most likely "out there somewhere" in the world wide web. If it really is out there, chances are that I can find it. I figure it's a skill because 99% of the time, I found it, and the person who asked me to find it did a considerable amount of searching for it themselves. Here's a hint: the key words are the key! Even changing a single word in your search can bring up drastically different search results. For instance, "iPad keyboard case" versus "iPad keyboard cover."
The point is, a true computer genius simply does not exist, because it's a stereotype. Computers are a vast collection of highly advanced digital circuitry that no single person in the entire world knows everything about. Just understanding how they work, from beginning to end, is a monumental goal in and of itself, which very few people, even in the computer world, have ever achieved. Computers (to be more precise, personal computers) represent decades and even centuries of continuous research and development. Would you really expect a single person to know, for instance, everything there is to know about any other field? Artistry? Music? Food? Architecture? Then how is it reasonable to impose this same stereotype on someone who, at best, actually happens to be the world's leading authority on some tiny portion of computer technology, and at worst, knows a bit more about computers than you do? Odds are it's the latter, and in most cases, you've barely even met this person!
The answer is, it's no more reasonable than any other stereotype - quite unreasonable, really. Expecting their help simply because they are the "local computer genius" - and because you haven't invested any time or energy into your own knowledge of computers - is even more unreasonable. When you want to know something about flowers, do you drive down to the local flower shop and lampoon the cashier with questions you already know she can't answer, calling yourself "flower illiterate" - or do you head to Wal-Mart, buy a gardening magazine and some seeds, then head home and grab your hoe and shovel? Why should your approach be any different with computers?
I can't blame you if some hardware breaks and you want someone else to install it. Hardware is a somewhat different story, since that is far more specialized knowledge. However, most non-hardware issues can be solved by moving the mouse to the right spot and clicking. This involves no digging of holes or planting of flowers, and certainly nothing anywhere near advanced as basic math or even reading and grammar - so why harbor the ridiculous stigma that "I will never be able to understand or use computers?" In 90% of computer problems, simply Googling your problem and then following the first set of instructions you find will get you halfway to solving the problem, and by then it wouldn't be rocket science to figure out the rest.
What We 'Computer Geniuses' DO Know
Not to sound like I'm working backwards, but now that I've covered all that - many computer geniuses may actually know quite a bit about computers! Some more than others. This shouldn't surprise you, but in light of everything I've said, it's still something to consider. It becomes pertinent, then, to understand more about the different categories of computer knowledge (again, as with any other field) so that you can begin to pinpoint the areas you need expertise in, and therefore, target those individuals who will actually be able to help you. Why do I say this? Odds are if you consider someone a computer genius, he or she is quite likely to try and help you regardless of your request, even despite a complete lack of knowledge in that area. It's true! I do it all the time.
Is it just to keep up the 'computer genius' image? Is it out of sheer helpfulness? I can't say for sure, but it would definitely make things less confusing if more people read this post! Even just guessing the area your problem falls under might save your computer genius the effort of figuring that part out. Even if you guess wrong, you will have impressed them just by trying to apply yourself. For instance, instead of saying "I'm computer illiterate," say something like "I think I'm having a network problem, can you help me?" By contrast, when I hear someone tell me "I'm computer illiterate" by implication they are expecting me to know everything and fix everything with little to no involvement from them.
Now, I certainly wouldn't offer to help anyone else if I didn't think I knew something about computers. In fact, I've studied into computers quite a bit just for the sake of learning them - what I know about computers is not all 'intuitive' and it did not all enter my head the first time I laid hands on a keyboard and mouse. It doesn't always come easy, either. Still, one might wonder, why don't I consider myself a computer genius?
Let me answer this question in a somewhat odd fashion. I will attempt to categorize all computer knowledge. This should open your mind somewhat to just how vast is the world of personal computers. Then I will estimate my level of knowledge for each category.
In my experience, here are the basic areas of computer expertise, and a brief description of what exactly each one is: software, the available programs, or lists of instructions (computer code) that tell computers what to do; hardware, the physical components that make up a computer; networking, the wires, cables, airwaves, satellite transmissions, and other such things that computers use to communicate with each other, as well as the involved hardware, software, and communication protocols; digital electronics, the super-tiny components that make up the hardware; programming, the art of writing, testing, and distributing software (computer instructions) that perform meaningful tasks; web design, the art of creating websites; server architecture, the computers that run web sites and the internet; and security, keeping data secure as it travels over the internet, and keeping computers from being infected with viruses (malicious programs). Here's the kicker - this is so high-level we have barely scratched the surface. Each of these areas is in itself an entire field, about which no one person could possibly know everything. Are you starting to get the picture?
Now, I will be using a percentage scale: 100% representing all available and possible knowledge about any one particular category, and 0% representing absolutely no knowledge in that area. Here is a breakdown of my own estimation of my computer knowledge and skill:
Software: 36%
Hardware: 3%
Networking: 4%
Digital Electronics: 7%
Programming: 22% (I am a software developer, mind you!)
Web Design: 11%
Server Architecture: 1%
Security: 18%
I think that should pretty well answer the question. My extreme lack of computer knowledge speaks for itself! I would define a true 'computer genius' as someone who has even 25% to 50% in each of these categories.
Don't assume by these low numbers that I am trying to be modest. This is the most accurate data that I could come up with. Think about this for a moment: of all the programming knowledge, even with me being a programmer - I believe I know less than a fourth of all knowledge about programming. That's in just one category, and my second highest!
What should really help drive the point home is when you consider the average computer problem. Here is another breakdown estimating what percentage of all computer problems (adding to 100%) occur in each category:
Software: 22% (not bad programming, just installation issues)
Hardware: 24%
Networking: 14%
Digital Electronics: 1%
Programming: 31% (this is basically the cause of most software problems)
Web Design: 5%
Server Architecture: 1%
Security: 2%
Since the average computer problem can be solved with a slightly-above-average collection of knowledge about software, hardware, and programming, something any nerd often pegged as a computer genius is quite likely to have, this explains how we appear to have "all knowledge." Networking generally takes care of the rest; however that ends up being the most common unsolved problem category, since very few nerds actually know enough about networking to solve most such problems. Typically problems finding their way to computer geniuses from outside sources range from simple in difficulty to about medium; however, as was just stated, the network category is a bit different. Since this level of knowledge falls at a much lower level of the overall computer architecture, the configuration and often mathematics involved is usually too difficult for your average computer genius to solve, myself included. In my case, I have less of an excuse for this than you do for computer knowledge in general - I graduated college a double major in computer science and math. For me, the gap is simply a lack of detailed study (or more precisely, interest) in the networking field.
'Computer Geniuses' Have Problems With Computers Too
Finally I would like to briefly refute the myth that computer geniuses never have computer problems of their own (since, obviously, they already know how to solve them all.) This is not only quite untrue, but the opposite is actually the case - computer geniuses, or those regarded as such, typically have far more problems, and more difficult ones at that, than people that consider themselves 'computer illiterate.' Why does this occur? It isn't just because computer geniuses can usually solve the easier problems on their own - it's primarily because they do more advanced things on a regular basis and change settings a lot more frequently. As such, they are far more likely to break something in these advanced settings.
As an example, one of my first experiences with a computer was in the Windows Registry. I won't go into any detail here about what that is - just know that it's an important part of Windows, the primary collection of software (called the OS or operating system) that gives you all those little icons, buttons, windows, scroll bars, and other nice things to click on. Well, I was messing around in there without understanding what this Registry was for or how it worked. I began changing some things and found that now my programs would not run. I really thought I'd broken that laptop for good! However, I played around with it some more and was luckily able to get it back to normal. I admit it did require some deductive skill and intuition about what was going on with this Registry program, but it still taught me what it does and why it is there. This is a problem 70% of computer users would never have, because 70% of computer users don't have the foggiest idea that the Windows Registry even exists, much less any desire to open it or start changing things.
Whew! This will likely be my longest post for quite a while - maybe the entire blog. I guess I had a lot to say about this. It's certainly plenty of food for thought. I'll leave you with one major tip about solving nearly ANY computer problem. If all else fails...throw it out the window! Forget versions, OS levels, and actually having to know anything about computers to begin with. This solution works! And it gives you a great excuse to go buy a new computer. Although, to avoid any legal controversies and/or murder charges, you may want to ensure there is no one walking around on the sidewalk below said window before you go and chunk a computer out of it.
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